Catholicism? Really?

Last night, as I was watching the recent debate between Christopher Hitchens and Tony Blair, a question that has occurred to me several times before popped up again: why would anyone in their right mind convert to Catholicism?

Now of course for an atheist the larger question is why would anyone in their right mind convert to anything. But let’s put that aside for a second and recognize that, as Sam Harris has pointed out on multiple occasions, not all religions are equally pernicious. Let us now narrow our choices to the various branches of Christianity. On nearly every count, Protestantism seems more intellectually rigorous, more internally coherent, and less prone to the grievous abuses of power that having such an absurd institution as the Pope seems to encourage. So, what the fuck, Tony Blair? And you’re British! Really now.

But I am biased. I find the intellectual history of Protestant theology to be gripping and at times even inspiring. The usual Christian faults aside, such as his anti-Semitism, Martin Luther was a very admirable person and I am quite fond of him. (Calvin, however, seems like a complete dick to me.) At least Protestant theology is more consistent with scripture and, moreover, contained elements of egalitarianism which would later help things like democracy seem thinkable. And Protestantism is also, of course, largely responsible for our modern concepts of individuality and autonomy.

On the other end of this, what does Catholicism have to offer? A church dogma which still claims that the Eucharist ritual can magically transform wine into blood and bread into flesh, a medieval position on contraception, a rigid, hierarchical structure prone to abuse and corruption, and priests who can molest their young parishioners and be assured that the Church will let them get away with it. And that is only recently – the history of the Catholic Church reads like a satire devised by an enemy of religion, designed exclusively to show how religion enables ignorance, hypocrisy, and just plain absurdity to reach limitless heights in the pursuit of power. Like when there were two Popes in the fourteenth century? Yeah, comically ridiculous.

And who would want to give up talking to God directly, as the Protestants claim we can all do? Is it more attractive for some people to have men with special outfits designated as especially in tune with God? Is it the ritual of confession that is so assuring and therapeutic that it trumps all the freedom from medieval dogma various strains of Protestantism have to offer? The only thing I can think of that the Catholic Church clearly does better than Protestantism is art. Catholic Churches are beautiful – Protestant churches, thanks to their founders’ suspicion that anything that brings one joy is suspicious, less so. But they are catching up. There are not a lot of Puritans left in the modern world. [And really, if you are all about the art you could just join the Anglican Church, which is basically Catholicism Lite.]

Again, I guess I am not supposed to have such a strong opinion on this considering that I believe all forms of Christianity are essentially rubbish. But Protestantism did help encourage some wonderful things in Western civilization, even if we got an extra dose of anxiety for every ounce of individuality we gained. But Catholicism? For what do I have Catholicism to thank? Tony Blair, what are you thinking? And don’t just tell me it is because your wife is Catholic. I expect intellectual justification for this decision.